RULES FOR THE TEXAS TOURIST
This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the state.
Attention Visitors
:
1. That slope-shouldered ranch hand/cowboy did more work before
breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym. He doesn't need your
respect, but he sure deserves it.
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your SUV. I have a four-wheel drive because I need
it. Drive it buddy, or get out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your hienny kicked...by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for that little
10-inch trout you fish for...bait.
6. Tell your kids to pull their pants up. They look like idiots.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up
to your ear at the time.
8. The Jackrabbits and the Coyotes are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks...and a dang sight more fun to watch.
9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order
it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds
of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with
two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed.
We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we drive two weeks a year.
12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
14. Yeah, we eat catfish--crappies, too--and bass. You really want sushi and caviar?
It's available at the bait shop.
15. They are cattle. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't
like it? Interstate 20 goes two ways....I-35 goes the other two. Pick
one.
16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
You can get breakfast at the church.
17. So every person in every pick-up waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.
19. Yes, we shoot the doves. So they're songbirds. We like something besides beef once in a while
Now, enjoy your visit and then go home. |