| An Outsider in a small Texas town around Christmas time, saw a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. But one small feature was all wrong: the three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.
Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, he left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, he asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling, "You darn Yankees never read your Bibles!" The Outsider assured her that he did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and riffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in the guys face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'" |
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| One of our local farmers had two cows that froze to death last August.
It seems that they had crawled through a fence into a field of popcorn. It got so hot that the corn started popping, the cows thought that it was snowing and froze to death. |
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| A Cowboy's Christmas Wish List:
New cowboy hat (I threw the last one in the crowd after a great ride) New set of boots (Ones with no holes in 'em) New set of work gloves (Leather of course) Yellow rain coat 30/30 (Winchester is preferred, it can be used) A new rifle scabbard (for my new 30/30) Remington statue (anyone of them) New saddle (light and comfortable) Art work (for the walls of my cabin) Belt (it may have my name on it, but it don't have to) Belt buckle (a Thomas Ranch one of course) Land (that I can call my own) Duster Spurs Chaps A good trained horse (not like the one that threw me in the river) A Log Cabin New bed roll New pair of Jeans (that are not torn) A whole bag of new socks (with no holes) Copenhagen Belt Buckle |
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| An open letter to the citizens of the state of Texas from Santa Claus:
Dear ya'll: I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the State of Texas on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however; there are a few differences between us. 1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson." 3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace. 4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty." 5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!" 6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off." 7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other. And Finally, 8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree. Sincerely Yours, Santa Claus |
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