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| Texas Hunters
A couple of Texas hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think my friend is dead! What do I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard..... The hunter says, "OK, now what?" |
| More This 'n That.... |
| Don't get mad at somebody who knows more than you do. It ain't their fault. |
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| 1: A saddle bronc rider always puts the right foot in the stirrup first.
2: Never kick a paper cup thrown down at a rodeo. 3: Cowgirls often wear different colored socks on each foot, for luck. 4: Don't compete with change in your pocket because that's all you might win. 5: Never put your hat on a bed. That will bring bad luck. 6: Eating a hotdog before the competition brings good luck. 7: Never read your horoscope on competition day. 8: Never eat peanuts or popcorn in the arena. 9: Always shave before the competition. 10: Never wear yellow in the arena -- it will bring bad luck. |
| Top 10 Rodeo Superstitions |
| Only a buzzard feeds on his friends. |
| You know you're in Texas when... You eat hot chili to cool your mouth off. |
| Texas was an independent nation from 1836 to 1845. When Texas was annexed in 1845 it retained the right to fly its flag at the same height as the national flag. It holds the privilege of being the ONLY state flag allowed to do so. |
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| 1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it. 2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right. 3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows. 4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. 5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. 6. Do not buy food at the movie store. 7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating. 8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive. 9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent. 10. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?" 11. People walk and talk slower here. 12. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either. 13. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in"big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new Southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it. 14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper. 15. Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here. 16. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down. 17. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say. 18. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased. 19. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers. 20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November. 21. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do. 22. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed. 23. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer. 24. Florida is not considered a Southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there. 25. In Southern churches you will hear the hymn, All Glory, Laud and Honor. You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy", Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy". 26. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle. 27. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself. |
| Rules for Yankees Who Move to the South |
| More Coming Soon! |
| Texas is a state of mind. Texas is an obsession. Above all, Texas is a nation in every sense of the word. - Author John Steinbeck |
| Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. |